Embracing Bella
by SaintHemo
Summary: One unfortunate night forces Edward to leave Bella for the 2nd time. Bella is all kinds of pissed and doesn't take the abandonment as she did the first go around. Having to see Her former family everyday builds a hate in Bella. Sex&Scandles&Lies
1. Chapter 1 New Hate

Hi People its Dawn! So this is my first attempt at a Fan Fiction, bare with me.

So I was wondering if anyone would like be my FFN mentor I'm new and don't know how to do anything lol.

I have so many question! Ugh

..well lets get on with the story right...Kay!

**Ps: I am new at writing out lemons.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own rights to Twilight original characters. Or any major labels, companies or brads mentioned.

**[This applies to all chapters for further notice.]**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1 - New Hate<strong>

**Preface ****-** I use to think ice hands were my safety. That cold skin was my resting place. I was wrong, so wrong, cold betrayed me, left me alone, fragile, and immensely hurt. I could never forgive the cold silent heart for abandoning me. No longer my angel but ...my enemy.

**Bella Pov -** My body was awake but my eyes stayed shut. I was afraid that when I opened them reality would set in and sorrow would easily drown me. Pull me under until I was lost in the pain that surrounded me. I peaked through one slightly open eye and was shocked at how bright it was in my room. My other eye slowly mimicked the first as I squinted adjusting to the rare sight in front of me. A smile slowly broke across my face. the muscles hurt being as tho I didn't smile much at all lately.

I was beginning to think Id forgotten how. Sun in forks meant that the Cullin's would be M.I.A. It hurt my already destroyed heart that the thought of their absence was pleasing to me but it was the only way to escape the pain. Seeing them caused me not only mentally but physical pain. I swear my heart literally aches when ever I catch a glimpse of Alice's smiling face, or..Ed-Edwards God like...well just Edward in general..

_Beep-Beep-Beep_...

My alarm sounded right on time shaking the vision of my former family out my mind, and for once I wasn't completely dreading going to school. I sat up resting on my elbows, would today be the day Id finally be able to move on? I Slowly got out of bed careful not to jostle my newly sprained ankle. Without Edward around it seemed like danger couldn't wait to get reacquainted with my fragile human body..._GREAT_.

I managed to limp my way the the bathroom without causing further injury to myself. I turned the showers cold water and took my place in the corner against the wall clutching to my knees. The cold water was soothing, Familiar. After a half hour passed i forced myself out the shower to continue my morning rituals.

* * *

><p>Being as though I was a crippled walking disaster, Angela had agreed to be my chauffeur. Even though my driving foot was perfectly fine Charlie would here nothing of it. He was originally gonna drive me but there was no way Id live through all the stares. Its not like i wasn't the talk of Forks High already. The rumors of why Me and Edward broke up were getting more and more creative.<p>

**_I heard she got knocked up and aborted Her and Edwards baby._**

**_Well I Heard She tried to seduce Carlisle Cullen._**

**_No she tried to seduce Esme, Edwards Own mother!_**

It was actually amusing to see what rumors the day would bring. I made my way down the stairs grabbing my backpack and and a bottled water on my way out the door. Angela was already waiting at the end of drive way as always. She got out the car to open my door. I smiled as a thanks and ducked into the car. Angela always drove right below the actual speed limit which i was grateful for.

"So hows your ankle Bella?", Angela tried to make small talk at a red light, I appreciated the gesture but was in no mood for conversation. I heard her sigh when i didn't respond and immediately regretted it. Angela was one of the few people who still payed me any mind and here i was being an ass.

"Uhh its okay thanks" I managed to force a smile. Hoping i hadn't hurt her feelings too bad. I tilted my water bottle back and forth listen to the sloshing sound it made, the silence was becoming uncomfortable.

"Angela? why do you still hang out with me, everyone else acts like i have the plague." I didn't even notice I was the one who stated to speak until I realized it was my lips moving in sync with the conversation. I looked around aware of the silence and that we were now parked in the school lot, when my eyes landed on Angela her cheeks were flushed pink. Angela took the keys out the ignition and turned to face me.

"I don't know" She smiled weakly.

"Why not? I don't know if you've noticed Bella, but I'm not the prettiest or most popular girl at forks" I turned to meet her eyes she was being sincere.

"Your just as pretty as any other girl in forks Angela, thanks for not bailing on me" I smiled quickly at her before reaching for the door handle.

"Bella?" Angela spoke in a hushed tone, I'm planning a sleep over to celebrate the end on Junior year, I want you to be there. I mean if you can, you don't have to i just thought-"

"Ang breath, of course ill be there" I laughed at Angela's out of character behavior, she was usually so composed and here she was rambling..._weird._

Her face lit up and she pulled my into and awkward hug before we headed off to class.

The Halls were full of stares and whispers, It had been almost two moths when was this shit going to end. I hurried my pace, all I wanted was to go back in time when I was happy when Edward wanted me, when I had a family who love and excepted me. If only i could go back to that night and get him to stay, prove to him he wasn't a danger to me, that he was the only one who could ever protect me.

I sat down at my desk there were only a few other students in class and that I was grateful for when I felt the hot tears streaming down my face. No one noticed, i rested my head in my arms fighting the vision that crept over me. The voices of students increased and I barely heard when Mr. Banner instructed the class to take out there math books.

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback:<strong>

I snuggled deeper into Edwards cold embrace.

"Sleep my Bella." He whispers as he rubbed circles on my lower back.

"I cant" I hitched my leg over his "I'm not tired" and put on my best puppy dog pout as I lifted myself to look at him resting my elbows on his hard chest.

"Close your eyes, I'll sing that usually seems to help" He pushed a lose strand of hair behind my ear. His gaze alone had my..umm lady parts... screaming.

"I DON'T want to sleep Edward." I sat up pulling my legs under me indian style and began playing with the strand of hair Edward had tucked behind my ear. "I want something else" I whispered

"What do you want Bella, Anything, its yours" How could he be so clueless. He had the most genuine smile on his godlike face. That smirk had my panties wet. I was positive he didn't catch my drift. So I stepped up my game a little. I pulled my legs from my pretzel position and swung them over Edward straddling his chest. The cool of his skin slowly seeped through the crouch of my thin silk pajama shorts. It took all my restraint to not dry hump him like a dog in heat.I leaned in so the my lips were inches from his ear.

"Kiss me" I licked my lips after making my demand as I cradled his face in my hands. His eyes darkened right as out lips met. I couldn't help the moan the escaped my lips. If I wasn't so turned on I would have been so embarrassed. His hands caressed my body as the made their way down to my hips. My hips instinctively ground into his pelvis while my tongue begged his mouth for entrance. He gripped my hips halting all movement and ill be damned if I didn't whimper like a little ass baby.

"Bella, I cant" But his word didn't register. I quickly pulled my shirt over my head before roughly forcing my lips on his.

"Why-Cant-You?" I asked between kisses. But he was frozen. I groaned in frustration continued to kiss him...nothing.

"Kiss me damn it!" I collapsed on his chest feeling defeated unattractive and unwanted. I became all to aware that a was topless and throwing myself at Edward. Fuck.

"I'm sorry" I sobbed "I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you Edward' *Hiccup* I'm sorry I'm not as pretty as Rosalie and Alice and Ton-" Before I could finish my rant I was laying flat on my back and Edwards lips were assaulting my own. I didn't hesitate I griped my fingers in his hair and pushed his lips harder against mines**. **I wrapped my legs around his waist needing to feel more of his body against mines.

"You are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on, how could you possibly think I don't want you." I was panting like a porn star gazing lustfully into his eyes as he continued his monolog.

"I want your body just as much as I want your blood Bella" and with that I lost it. I roughly pulled his face to mines while attempting to pull his sweats off with my toes.

"Make love to me Edward, please" My face was soaked with tears and I didn't care. I needed him to prove to me he wanted me.

"Please" I whimpered closing my eyes waiting for the rejection. But what happened next took me off guard. Within seconds Edward was completely naked. He had had his fingers in the elastic of my shorts and panties. My eyes were wide saucers. I may have also had a mini orgasm.

Edwards eyes burned my own they were filled with such lust and passion**. **

"Promise me you will tell me If it hurts to badly Bella." I think I was in a state of shock. Seeing Edward naked for the first time. My body was no longer responding. Sweet Baby Jesus. He was perfect. I managed to nod my head and he smiled. Damn it he smiled that smile that made me weak as he took off my last bit of clothing at a human pace. Maybe I should have bedazzled my lady parts. I seemed so plain, my skin lifeless while his glistened in the moonlight. My room had gotten completely silent and finally felt my nerves pay a visit. What did I do? I covered my pussy..like a pussy.

"Don't hide yourself from me Bella, You're...You're so perfect" He moved my hand replacing it with his own and I couldn't help but push my hot wet core into his hand. He brought his hand to his face inhaling my scent as he let out the sexiest animalistic sound I have ever heard.

"Exquisite." He lowered his body to mines and began to kiss my neck as he lined up with my entrance. He laced his other hand with mines and brought it above my head to rest on the pillow.

"I love you My Bella" He whispered in my ear as he slowly began to enter me. I gasp in shock, it all felt so foreign. Like my body was being stretched in a way it wasn't capable. I shut my eyes tight as he pushed deeper inside of me. I held back the whimper that was begging to escape my lips. I knew he would stop If he knew the pain I was feeling at that moment. I felt Like I was being ripped apart inside. I couldn't stop the tears that escaped my eyes. Edward took them as happy tears and began to push his way through my barrier. The pain shot through my entire body and I cried out digging my nails into his hips.

"Stop!" I cried. Edward was right I wasn't ready. Panic set in and I began my feeble attempt to push Edward off of me. He didn't move. It was like he couldn't hear me. He Continued to push deeper inside of me. The pain was so intense.

"Edward stop!" I was crying hysterically now. Why wasn't he stopping? I began thrashing trying to release his hold on me. That only made his movements increase.

"So Good Bella." Was all he said as he moved himself in and out of me at an uncomfortable speed. The pain intensified tearing at my insides. His hand moved to my hips as he pounded into me.

"Edward stop please! you're hurting me!" and with that Edwards body was pulled off of me at vampire speed. I sat up quickly pulling my knees to my chest in attempts to cover myself fearing Charlie had been the one to pull Edward off of me. But He was away on business and there was no way Charlie could move Edward. I blinked the tears out of my eyes to asses my surroundings. I saw Eward across the room his hands gripping into his hair his knees to his chest mimicking mines and Alice kneeling beside him. Her lips were moving to fast and I couldn't hear what she was saying.

"Bella look at me honey" It was Alice's voice when did she leave Edwards side? This shit was moving way too fast.

"Its not his fault Alice. Please believe me. Its not his fault." I crawled to the bottom of the bed bringing the sheet with me wrapping it around myself. I fumbled of the bed to Edward across the room. He depicted the look of a mental patient.

"Edward look at me please, its okay, I'm okay, See" I held his face in my hands forcing him to look at me he didn't fight it.

"It was the blood Bella, I never meant to hurt you. I couldn't control myself. If Alice hadn't showed up, Bella I would have killed you. This is exactly what I was afraid of."

I pulled his fingers from hes hair and placed them over my heart "I'm hear Edward, its my fault. You were right I was not ready."

"Ill never hurt you again Bella." He got up so fast the movement didn't register until he was fully dressed and At my window seal. I fumbled with the sheet trying to go after him."

"Edward wait!"

after that night everything changed. For the second time Edward Cullen Left me for my own good. But this time he stuck around forks to torture me.

* * *

><p>The bell rang jolting me from my daydream...I rubbed my eyes and stretched as I laugh a my stupid mistake...Dream...more like being stuck in the reality of this nightmare I call life.<p>

* * *

><p>So that's Chapter One! What do you think? I'm still looking for a beta. If this story does well which I hope it does. I have Big Big plans Love muffins. I'm still looking for a beta and pre-reader and a review party! so PM me. Ill be waiting!<p>

Blog&&Banner coming soon.


	2. Chapter 2 Dear Ryan

Hey guys so I'm back with a whole new chapter kiddies! So I know its kind of soon but I'm a college student on summer vacation. I have nothing to do so why keep you waiting right?

Did you guys see the MTV Movies Awards? My God did Rob Have word vomit or what! I loved it, we dominate of course!

The Preview..we wont start with that. Orgasmic. **Sigh**

Anyway. Still need a Beta pleaseeeeee.

And on with the story.

Ps: I don not own the rights to twilight. 

* * *

><p>And when it rains,<br>On this side of town it touches, everything.  
>Just say it again and mean it.<br>We don't miss a thing.  
>You made yourself a bed<br>At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)  
>And convinced yourself that<br>It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore

"**Paramore: When It Rains"**

Lunch, to those of you who live normal teenage lives, is a time to get away from studies. To sit and chat with friends and steal food off each others trays and gossip about the latest stories on the rumor mil. Blah zay fucking blah... Well this kid was the ONLY topic on the rumor mil. Not that I gave a shit lately but no way I was gonna sit in that cafeteria with a bunch of demon seeds who would just treat me like a bag of monkey balls anyway.

So like the freak loner I was being made out to be I sat in the supply closet off the main office. It was pretty hot in here today I wiped the sweat off my upper lip with the side of my thumb. Gross. I flipped open my worn copy of Wuthering heights. I wasn't reading it but having it in my possession kept me sane. It reminded me that I was still the same Bella. The same Bella who loved to sit and read old classic novels. The same Bella who would try to be good to everyone around her. The same Bella who gave Edward Cullen her all, who placed him on a pedestal so high up she couldn't even reach him.

The same Bella who was currently ripping Wuthering heights to shreds. Shit. I let go the last pieces of the now destroyed paperback. What the hell was wrong with me? I couldn't get over...him, but I couldn't stand him at the same time. Crap! is it getting hotter in here. I pushed my damp hair out my face pulling it into a messy bum atop my head. I needed to get him out my head, I mean what the hell. He left me! He didn't want me! Its definitely getting hotter in here.

I pulled the collar of my t shirt letting the air flow inside. He left just like he did the first time around. But this time when he left...he took "That" Bella with him. I wasn't the same without him,,,Maybe I could change my name. What the fuck is this a sauna! I stood quickly flinching at the pain in my ankle and began pacing in the tiny space my hands pulling at my scalp. Fucking ouch! Megan, Shelly, nah, too girly. Jessi, Aby? I actually laughed out loud at the last. What the hell? I was losing it. A smile slowly spread across my face. I kinda liked the feeling. I grabbed my Jacket off the floor but didn't dare to put it on. It was so hot. I was so sure Id burst into flames any minute. I don't know what took over but I threw the door open and ran...I had no idea where I was gonna go but I couldn't stop. I ran down the hall. I laughed as I heard my former name being called. crazy much? I was lost in myself and I was loving it. I burst out the side door and continued to run. My chest burned and my eyes were watering but It didn't register. I was drowning in my own self. I knew exactly why he left me. I was nothing..everything I love I ruined! I saw the green pass me In a blur. I was in the woods. Where I was the first time HE broke my heart. My ankle was screaming in protest right before it gave out completely. Oh shit. I closed my eyes tight preparing for my face to hit a fallen tree or some shit, But that wasn't the case My body never fell. I felt rough hands on the exposed skin of my torso.

"Damn girl someone chasing you? Whats the rush?"

I pushed at the body who saved me from a bloody nose. Which was a mistake I fell flat on my ass. When did my mind use so much profanity. What the fuck ever. I realized I hadn't yet looked at my savior. When I saw his face I wasn't sure if my he was a he or a she. His hair was shaggy and hung pass his shoulders. Her lips were more pink than my own. His eyes were a vibrant green. Yeah one hot piece of ass. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. Shit talk no name.

"Shit, thanks" Nice one. I stood slowly losing balance on my now totally fucked ankle.

"Whooa, Loca, you high?"

His dick was pressing into my torso. Yeah definitely ALL man.

"No, fuck, my ankle"

He smiled a smile that was too familiar and I Pushes myself off his chest. He shrugged and took a puff of a white rolled up blunt.

"You want a hit, you look like you could use it."

He held it out to me and without hesitation I took it and put it to my lips and inhaled. It took about a second before I began to choke. He laughed a sexy raspy laugh.

"gimme" He said through his laughing. I passed him the blunt while I wiped my eyes dry with my free hand.

"Sorry" I limped over and sat down on a fallen pine tree.

"Whats your name?" Girly face asked as he filled the empty space next to me blowing O's with the smoke. Show Off.

"I'm Blaze" He said looking me in the eye as if waiting for me to say something. Oh shit my name...my name, my name...

"I'm Ryan"

* * *

><p>Okay sooo I know don't hate me. I didn't mean to be cruel. But I felt like this was the perfect place to end this chappy. I still looking for a beta.I dont even know how to proceed..Im sure there are so many spelling errors! Sorry in advance.<p>

Lots of love -Dawn


	3. Chapter 3 Mind Fucked

So I'm back with yet another Chappy. I'm sorry its been so long. I'm not making any excuses.

I'm loving all the feedback!

Big Love to My New Beta Chels! Aka Edward Cullen Wifey! [ECW]

Review Review Review Please!

They make me want to make lemonade!

Anywhooo. This Chapter might upset some so just bare with me.

I'll give you what you want soon enough.

I Own Nada but the Characters and situations I CREATE.

So Here you go -Throws chapter-

I'm sick of shaking,

never waking,

from the hell I achieve,

I never knew you till you left me,

with the crying disease.

**"X-Amount of Words"**

* * *

><p>Voice's. I hear too many voices. With all the shit that's in my head, my head is on the verge of exploding. Where the fuck are my fucking pants? I exhale, and I'm immediately hit with the smell of beer. I slowly open my eyes. Where the hell am I? I sit up resting on my elbows taking in my surroundings. My Bedroom. How the hell? I look in the direction of the glowing red light. 4 a.m, When did I get home? I roll over on my stomach, stopping just before falling off the bed.<p>

I slide my hands along the tangled sheets in search of my cell. Nothing. I reach off the side of the bed where a presume my disregarded pants are, randomly gripping around feeling for any hard object. Bing-fucking-o. I reach in my pocket and pull out my phone. I roll on my back and sliding my finger across the screen bringing it to life. The bright screen announcing 4 missed calls and 2 text messages. Two calls are form Charlie. I make a mental note to return those first thing in the morning before opening my text's. The first text was from Angela.

_Bella, What happened to u today? I waited for u after school. You never showed. I'm worried call me asap. ~Ang_

I text Angela a quick reply.

_Wasn't feeling well, went home early. Srry I didn't tell you. ~ Bella_

The second text was from an unknown number.

_Dude, Ryan..I figured you would need a little reminder of how you got home. You just about passed out after you finished off my good vodka. I left you key on your kitchen table, And I promise I didn't take advantage of you lol, you gotta come back around the spot soon. Spin the bottle isn't the same without you jail bait ;) ~Unknown_

What in Gods name? I toss my phone to the other side of the bed. Vodka? Spin the bottle? I sit up flipping on my nightstand lamp. DAMN! I throw my hands over my face adjusting to the light. Its just doing wonders for my massive headache. What the hell happened? I tried to recall the previous day events.

* * *

><p>"Well nice to meet you Ryan. You look like you belong in an algebra class or some shit. How old are you?" He puffs at his blunt in every few words, managing to lose little smoke from his experienced lungs. I cant help but think how long he must be able to hold his breath.<p>

_Down girl_

"Seventeen." I reply, shifting uncomfortably

"Damn kid, hooking school? That isn't good for you. You just might end up like me." He smirks in my direction.

"How old are you?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

He laughs sending chills down my spine. Its so devious. So...Sexy.

"Im 23, and you're fucking jail bait kid"

I smile and scoot closer to Blaze. His care free attitude is filing me with a foreign confidence.

"Jail bait huh? I don't plan on calling the cops." I attempt to make my voice sexy. But it sounds more like I'm asking a question. Fuck my life. Blaze simply shakes his head taking a long drag of his shrinking blunt.

"Whats your story Brown Eyes?"

I smirk at his playful nickname.

"I don't have a story Blaze." I'm not really sure what it is he's looking for.

"Sure you do. Me? Shit, both my parents died when I was 10. Car accident. I ain't been right ever since. Lived with my Ant and Uncle till I was 16 but they couldn't handle a badass like me. So gramps took me in. He was so old it was like I was living alone. I grew up pretty fast, having to fend for myself. When I hit 18 I finally got my hands on the money my parents left for me. Just over two million big ones. Now I live here and there doing what ever the fuck I please." He finishes with a wink.

"Shit, Sorry for your loss" Is all I manage to say. I'm shocked, seeing as though the guy looks like he lives out of his car, that he's wealthy.

"Brown Eyes, I'm just living life. And don't apologize, you weren't driving the car." He chuckles

I'm a little confused but decide not to question. Instead I attempt to tell my story, so he calls it.

"Uhh moved here a year ago, to stay with my dad. The chief of police. My Mom remarried a minor-league baseball player, Phil, so she travels a lot. I met a guy, fell in love...then fucked me and left me." I know I've made Edward out to be the bad guy and that my story is missing a lot of detail but fuck it. I'll tell shit how I feel fit. I refuse to play "Bella the sad ass victim".

"Well shit kid, sounds like that dude fucked up big time." I nod my head starting to feel a little dizzy. I blink a few times, my eyes all of a sudden feeling really dry. Blaze just laughs and shakes his head at me again.

"Let my even you out Brown Eyes." He says before gripping my chin with his index and thumb pulling my face just inches from his. He takes a long drag from his blunt and presses his lips to mine. My eyes go wide until I realize what he's doing. He's passing me his smoke. His lips..so warm...so soft. He pulls his lips away too soon. I feel the smoke in my lungs but I'm unsure of what to do next.

"Blow out slowly Brown Eyes" He says with a wink. I slowly release the smoke. Did I mention I'm turned the fuck on right now. I'm feeling absolutely amazing and free. I stand a little to quickly and fall to my hands and knees, breaking out in a fit of shamefully girly giggles. But I could care less. I collapse rolling onto my back while Blaze watches with a sexy ass grin on his sexy ass face. Did I mention he is sexy. Sex on wheels.

"More." I whisper, my eyes closed, my hand reaching for the blunt. Blaze raises an eyebrow at me but still says nothing, he simply hands it to me. I put it to my lips and fill my lungs with as much smoke as they can take. It's a lot easier this time. I hold for a while and blow out slowly like before. This time I attempt to make O's. Fail. I start laughing again and I can hear Blaze laughing too. A few my puffs and I feel like I'm floating.

"I feel fucking amazing!" I open one eye, my lids feeling heavy, and look at blaze who's lying on his back on the fallen tree.

"First times always the best." He says, not turning in my direction.

"Here." I say passing the blunt back in his direction. But when he reaches for it I yank him on top of me.

"Let me even YOU out Blaze." I grip my hand into his hair and pulling him in for a kiss. His hair is softer than mine and he smells like weed and mint chocolate. It's almost intoxicating. I try to deepen the kiss but he pulls away.

"Whats wrong?" I say a little breathless. He runs his thumb over my fore head.

"Don't frown you'll get wrinkles." Rejection sets in and I gently push his body off mine.

He stands and offers me his had. I don't take it.

"I'm sorry Brown Eyes but you're just a bit too young." He says, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. I can feel old Bella surfacing. I refuse to play the victim. Seems like I have a new motto.

"Fuck dude, its cool. Just a kiss. I understand." I take his hand keeping the weight off my injured ankle.

"Friends?" He asks with that too familiar smirk holding out his hand.

"Friends." I repeat with a smile as I shake his extended hand.

He pulls out a teal steal flask and takes a quick sip before offering it to me and wiping his mouth with the back of his free hand.

I take it and sniff it. Just a bit skeptical.

"Its vodka" He says, noticing my hesitation.

I put the flask to my lips and take a small sip. It burns. But I want to feel numb. I want to completely get rid of old Bella. So I drink more, taking breaks in between to ease the burn. The last clear memory I have is me on the back of a blue motorcycle, my arms wrapped around Blaze's waist.

* * *

><p>"Fuck!" I throw my towel in the corner of the bathroom. I just can't remember what the hell happened tonight. I comb the knots out my tangled wet hair and brush the disgusting taste of who fucking knows what out my mouth.<p>

What if I did some out of this world shit. What if I committed a murder or something. Now that's dramatic.

I threw on a tank and some panties and headed down to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of ibuprofen on my way.

I almost tumbled down the stairs on my fucked up ankle. I limped into the kitchen and sure enough, there were my keys on the table.

I popped open a bottle of water and downed 2 pills.

I need to call Blaze asap. I looked over at the clock, 4 A.M. Yeah, not a good time.

I limped my way into the living room and fell back on the couch.

My twitter app was calling my name, but my lids were getting so heavy. Pulling the throw off the back of the sofa I made myself a Bell..wait no, a Ryan burrito.

I slid my finger across the screen of my phone and opened my twitter app. Immediately changing my twitter name.

The words "Whats Happening?"staring me in the face. I typed out the words half asleep.

Username: Heeeres_Ryan: Oh Bella where are you? =)

Then sleep took over and I fell into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

><p>Comment! And you can ride on the back of Blaze's Bike =]<p>

Did I mention, I love my Beta btw!


	4. Chapter 4 Satellite Heart

Hello all! So back with another Chappy, This one is actually pretty long. I couldn't stop... had to force myself to end lol. I love all the views...but I'm really looking for feedback on my work...So if I could get at least 5 reviews! Just five! Ill give all who review a preview of chapter 5, and trust me there is a bit of lemonade.

The first 5 get a line of their choice placed in the story, no matter what it is, be as creative as you want.

Thirdly I was thinking of starting a blog for this story like a tumblr, uploading edited pictures of things that happen n the story, notes from the characters and such..tell me what you think.

**This Chapter may be a little rough, because my Beta fell of he side of the earth. I have no idea where she is. I hope all is well.**

Read on people...read on.

* * *

><p>Satellite heart chapter 4<p>

Shit! didn't that box say 45 minutes. God I'm going to look so bad bald! I quickly pushed my Mac book off my lap discarding twitter. And ran my forgetful ass into the bathroom. I didn't feel a burn or anything so maybe its fine. I stripped my tank and panties and hoped into the shower immediately turning on the water. Tripping on my ankle. Fuck! I got directly in. Shocked by the cold.

"cold cold cold!" I chanted as I forced my head under the water. I ran my hands through my hair. Shutting my eyes, getting that "someones watching me" feeling

_I rinsed faster_

I rinsed for 5 minutes. Before washing twice with some Vanilla lavender smelling shampoo. It smelt really good.

Just Saying

Washing my body quickly, I managed not to slip and got out wrapping a towel around me and another around my head. I walked to my room plopping on the bed.

I kissed my Mac and apologized for the rough treatment. Before resuming my place on twitter.

"_What are you doing?_"

Update: Heeeres_Ryan: let's see if blondes have more fun.

If I was gonna forget Bella I might as well commit to Ryan right? I needed a new look. I just prayed I didn't go Bald.

I notices that I had a new follower when I came to from visions of a hairless me. I clicked the glowing icon.

A smile slowly formed on my face as I stared at the name.

"EatYouAlive" Damn. I crossed my legs. It wasn't Just the name that made me wet but the picture on the profile. Got damn your sexy ass Blaze. Shirtless. His long hair pulled into a messy ponytail. I licked my lips. He was laughing holding a red plastic cup.

I clicked the follow button returning the favor. God how I would love to return the favor. Shit think clean thoughts. Think clean thoughts. Fuck my thoughts are dirty. Fuck me I'm dirty. Gah!

Maybe I should mention him.

_No too desperate._

What the fuck hormones.

I shut my computer trying to cool off. I was deprived. I felt like a 12 year old boy.

Sitting up on the bed I tossed my towel, that kept falling off my boobs to the floor.

Maybe I should check and see if I still have hair. Hair. I wonder if Blaze shaves? Shaves down there. Mmm fuck me.

**Shit**

I jumped off the bed, and limped into the bathroom.  
>I shut the door so I could use the full length mirror that hung on the back. I rolled my eyes at the old my little pony stickers I could never pick off completely. Edward thought that was so adora-<p>

Fuck Edward Cullen. That helped calm my hormones just a bit.

Looking at myself in the mirror It was so unfamiliar. My brows were masked in a permanent semi scowl. My lips looked fuller and much more pouty, my breast were fuller. My hips a bit wider, and my legs, damn did they go on for days. Was Bel- Ryan becoming...a woman?

Smiling at my subtle changes. I slowly pulled my towel off my head. My eyes grew wide as saucers. My wet hair fell to the middle of my back. My wet BLOND hair.

Holy fucking mother sucker.

I looked..._**hot.**_

I ran my fingers through my hair in awe. And why was I not born this way? I started doing a little dace. I was just too excited! The woman on the box hair was not this light. I was blond, like fucking blond blond! I stopped my version of the happy dance. My face hurt I was smiling so hard, and just a bit out of breath.

Quickly, I blew my hair dry after using a leave in conditioner. I put on my favorite grungy Paramore tee and a pair of pink panties, taking my place Indian style on my bed. I opened my computer, sliding my finger wildly over the mouse pad bringing it to life.

Time for a new twitter icon. Fluffing my hair like they do in the movies, I gave it that just had amazing sex look. Not that I knew why that looked like. But I could imagine. I opened photobooth and began snapping pictures. Making sure my panties were on each one. My t-shirt exposing just the right amount of torso. After about 10 minutes I got the perfect shot. I changed it to my twitter icon, then updated.

"What are you doing?"

Update: **Heeeres_Ryan:** New Twitter icon.

Immediately I got a bunch of mentions. Most asking the same question. Omg Bella you dyed your hair.

No I brought a fucking cat. What the hell people. One mention stood out above the rest.

**EatYouAlive:** Heeers_Ryan Damn Jailbait. They might as well bring the cuffs now. Oh did you lose my number or do I scare you that much sweetheart :P

I replied to all the idiots that asked the same question. But gave Blaze just a little more attention.

**Heeeres_Ryan:** EatYouAlive you stalking me now? ;) And baby...you don't scare me. I'll call you tonight.

I looked over at the clock, 5:45. Damn twitter's taking over my life. I shut my laptop placing it on my desk just as my stomach growled. Food.

Humans require food.

I made my way down to the kitchen and fixed myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I was only on my second bite when there was a know at the door. I raised an eyebrow a bit confused. Who the hell?

I carefully hopped down from my place on the counter, not bothering to get decent, and went to the door. I stood on my tipi toes to look out the peephole.

Angela.

I opened the door and saw Angela's tear streaked face.

"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't know where else to go or who to talk to. I don't know what to do! He was all I ha-"

"Ang relax!" I interrupted while moving aside and inviting her in. Her eyes grew wide.

"your...hair!" *sniff*, she wiped at her eyes and blinked a few times.

"yeah thought I could use a new look, no biggie. what's the matter?" I asked her heading back into the kitchen motioning for her to follow.

"Well you look beautiful Bella" she stated not bothering to answer my question. But I smiled nevertheless.

"Thanks Ang" she smiled in return.

"Now why the tears?" her smile faded quickly and tears began to gather in her eyes. Oops.

"It's Eric, Bella I saw him at the mall with Lauren!"

I took a bite of my sandwich before talking with a full mouth. Fuck educate I was hungry.

"Maybe, *chew*, he need help finding a gift for, *chew*, you Ang"

"If the gift was down her throat and he need his tongue to retrieve it, your right"

"Oh god Ang I'm sorry, look guys a dicks. And Lauren is a bitch"

Angela's hand flew over her mouth and she giggled.

"If Eric doesn't know he has a beautiful, smart, amazing woman. It's his loss. You don't need him. Us girls gave to stick together."

I finished up my sandwich, while me and Angela talked. She told me how Mike and Jessica got caught doing that nasty in the girls locker room the day I skipped out on school. Buy mainly she sat an giggled while I happily bashed Eric and Lauren.

It was around 8:00 when we finally made the move to my bedroom. We were lying side by side not really talking much just enjoying each others company, that is until Angela rolled over. I thought she was staring at me. Then realized she was looking past me. I turned my head in the direction she was looking.

_Shit. I thought I threw that out._

"You play?" she asked bringing her attention to me.

"Shit" I palmed my face.  
>"Yeah I guess so.." I shrugged<p>

Angela sat up pulling her feet together. "Their is something so different about you Bella" she tilted her head like a learning puppy"

"I guess going through shit changes a person, I feel different"

She stared at me for a second, her hair messy from laying in bed.

"play something" she said nodding her head towards my guitar.

"oh god, Ang, no, I, I can't" I shook my head ferociously.

"Why not?" she wined. I just shrugged. I didn't know why not. I lied. The last time I had played It was for Edward. That did it.

Fuck Edward Cullen

I hopped up grabbing the guitar. I'll play in spit if him. I'm not a fucking victim! I sat Indian style across from Angela, tuning my guitar.

"I haven't played in months" I said, Angela just rolled her eyes.

"Just play what you feel" she said touching my knee before pulling back abruptly.

I scooted a little closer and played how I honestly felt. Singing the lyrics to the music as well.

So Pretty, So Smart  
>Such A Waste Of A Young Heart<p>

Whatta Pitty Whatta Sham  
>What's The Matter With You Man?<p>

Don't You See What's Wrong Can't You Get It Right?  
>Outa Mind, And Outa Sight<p>

Call On All Your Girls, Don't Forget The Boys, Put a Lid On All That Noise.

I'm, A Satellite Heart  
>Lost In The Dark.<p>

I'm Spun Out So Far, You Stop I Start, But I'll Be True To You

I Hear Your Living Out Of State Runnin In A Whole New Scene.

You Know I Haven't Slept In Weeks, You're The Only Thing I See

Im, A Satellite Heart  
>Lost In The Dark.<p>

Im Spun Out So Far, You Stop I Start, But I'll Be True To You

No Matter What You Do, Yeah I'll Be True ...To You.

We didn't speak for about 30 minutes after that. But I did however cry like a bitch. I hadn't let myself cry since that night. I was making up for it now. I hated the fact that I was crying over this shit. Why couldn't I just get over this shit!

"I'm not a fucking victim" I whispered to myself.

Angela eased the guitar off my lap placing it at the bottom of the bed. She pulled me in her arms and just held me their. And I cried more. I cried until my throat was dry and my chest hurt. When I got it all out my system Angela still didn't let go. She ran her fingers repeatedly through my hair. That shit felt amazing.

"You're so talented Bella. You're voice it's, just so, beautiful"

I just nodded in thanks. I was tired.

I didn't remember falling asleep.

But I had to be dreaming. Blaze naked, me naked, Blaze doing things to my body I never ever heard of. My finger we in his hair. His tongue playing tag with my clit. Fuck it felt so good. I must have moaned out loud because It woke me up. I was pissed. Fuck! Pissed, wet, and horny.

My room was dark. But I knew I wasn't alone. I could feel Angela's bare legs against mines. She must have had borrowed some shorts.

Blaze was running through my mind his tongue running over my clit.

I leaned over Angela, careful not to wake her and got my phone off the night stand where it had been charging.

I pushed the home button. 1:00 am. Maybe it's too late.

I slide my finger across the screen bringing it to life.

Just my luck blaze had text me less than 15 minutes ago.

I knew you were scared of me jail bait. No call? ~Blaze

I smiled as I typed out my reply.

Sorry, I had company. Ended up falling asleep in their arms. ~Ryan

**New Text:**

Oh sorry didn't mean to interrupt. Hope I didn't wake him. ~Blaze

I laughed.

I just messing with you. My friend Angela needed me and then I ended up needing her. Guess we both fell asleep. ~Ryan

**New Text:**

That sounded a bit kinky. ;) ~Blaze

Again I laughed.

Not like that! Lol, So, I had a dream about you. ~Ryan

**New Text:**

Ohh? Do tell? ~Blaze

I noticed my fingers idly playing with the elastic of my panties.

Well there was sex lol. I didn't see you face in the dream. It was between my legs ~Ryan

Holy shit! Did I just send that. I was nervous. Nervous? Shit I was beyond nervous on my way down freaked out road. What if that scares him away. Why the fuck is he taking so long to reply.

Shit what have I done?

* * *

><p>Okay kids, hope you enjoyed..remember my authors note..please please send feedback.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5 Something old Something New

Something Old, Something New Chp 5

Okay Okay Okay, I'm sorry for the wait, but honestly I had no motivation after my last update..I got like one review =/ but I dont want to leave those of you who enjoy my story waiting. I so sorry, My beta did not approve this Chapter so I'm sure there are so many flaws in here, I think I could use two Beta's because my updatea are all over the place lol.

Also Im auditioning for the show, "The Glee Project" Im so excited so check out my audition...and Like it!'

Do any of you watch Glee? Im starting a Britana (Santana and Brittany) Im in love with them!

My little sister has a Santana&Brit Tumblr, Ill link it on my profile.

Also I will link my audition.

* * *

><p>Fuck fuck fuck. What did I do. kay I told Blaze I had a dream he licked my...cooter. Shitty move. Well technically I said his head was between my legs right? Right, tasting me in all the right places. Right. Shit! No wrong!<p>

But so right.

Yeah maybe he left his phone in his room and went to use the bathroom. Yeah...yeah that's it.

Who was I kidding I knew this kid 2 days and I was telling him my sexual dreams. He probably won't ev-

New Text

I jumped at the vibration from my phone. Making Angela make these weird "let me sleep" noises I whispered an apology but she was fast asleep. I quickly opened my text and I just may have went into shock.

Text: fuck, okay don't think I'm some perv stalker or some shit, but if were being honest, I can't stop thinking about you and about half my thoughts involve you being naked. -Blaze

That was it. I needed some kind of relief. I mean shit, Blaze thought of me naked. Wait is that bad? Well he said half right? So it's not all just kinky shit. Right? Who the fuck was I kidding. Not like I was looking for love.

Shit! I could feel my pulse beating hard. Not in my chest. My clit was literally pulsing. I looked over at Ang.

"Ang?" I whispered. Nothing. I gave her a little shake.

"Ang?" Nothing. Could I really fuck myself with Angela sleeping less than a foot away. Fuck yes I could. Deep down old Bella was protesting. Screaming for me to act like a lady. Fuck that shit. It only made me want to do it even more.

I slipped my hand in my panties. Letting my middle finger slide easily between my lips. I hissed at the contact. I was so wet. Using my other hand I replied to Blaze's text.

What do you think about? I need to know..like...now. -Ryan

I closed my eyes to impatient to wait for a reply as I moved my finger in slow small circles. Was this heaven? Shit my eyes fluttered at the sensation. My phone vibrated and I took my time checking the text.

New Text

Demanding aren't we. Well since you asked so nicely Jail Bait I guess I can fill you in. There was this one, I had pushed you up against the wall. I kissed those soft ass lips of yours as my hands slipped into your panties. You were so wet. My finger slid in so easily. Too much? -Blaze

Oh fuck, I worked my finger faster as I read his text. Small moans escaped my lips. And I forced my eyes open to reply to Blaze's text. I was sure my reply would need to be translated but I was just a bit busy.

No kerp going g. Plese -Ryan

My hips were moving in a rhythm that matched my fingers perfectly. I was hot. Fuck was I hot. I could feel the light sweat on my forehead. My phone vibrated way too soon. But I needed to see what the fuck Blaze said.

New Text

What are you doing exactly? -Blaze

I laughed an airy laugh panting standing on the edge of orgasm bliss. The pit of my stomach was on fire. My entire body was on fire but I just couldn't jump. Why the fuck wasn't I cumming?

I'm tryna cum, not working. -Ryan

I thought my most dirty fantasies. Blaze in the shower, in a public place, Blaze feeling me up in a dark theater. Fuck nothing was working! I was getting mad. My fingers working roughly against my clit.

New Text

Your fucking fucking yourself aren't you? Damn I wish I could see. Your making me rock hard. Not cool, I'm too pretty for prison. -Blaze

Not even Blaze talking about his hard dick worked. Shit!

Before I had time to process my thoughts I was assaulted with images of Edward. His cold soft kissed. My body began to shake. His gentle Embrace. I couldn't feel my toes. They way his love was so deep and unconditional. My eyes shut tight and my mouth hung open as the mist intense orgasm took over my body. I couldn't hear, I couldn't feel my body, just the pleasure.

I was laying there tryna catch my breath when my phone vibrated again. Shit Blaze!

New Text

Ryan? -Blaze

I shook my hands trying to regain feeling. I was so mad at myself. How the fuck could I let that happen. Edward dosmt want me but I cant stop thinking about him! I replied to Blaze's text.

How soon can you get here? -Ryan

I waited impatiently for his reply. Edward Cullen was not gonna have this hold on me.

I'll be there in 15 -Blaze

I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to clean myself up. I jumped at my own reflection.

Oh shit, I'm blonde that's right.

After a quick shower, I brushed my teeth and combed the knots out my hair. I even took the time to put on a bit of mascara. When I went back into my room Angela was sprawled across my bed. She looked so innocent. I write her a note letting her know I was going out that she was welcome to breakfast, but that I should be back.

I pulled on the smallest skirt I owned, well it was Renee's but it fit me perfectly. I put my paramore tee back on grabbed my leather jacket and pulled on my chucks. Right when I went to grab my wallet my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Get your ass out here jail bait"  
>There were other voices in the background.<p>

"I'm coming" I laughed

"Yeah that's what she said" he joked before hanging up. I smiled as I grabbed my things and headed out the door.

Their was a black Escalade sitting in the driveway. The front window rolled down and there he was. God he is sexy.

"come on Jail bait, you get to ride shotgun" he winked, I died.

I jogged over to the car. Struggling to get into the monster SUV. When I managed the task at hand I got to see the full package. His hair was in that messy ponytail I loved so much, his V neck was cut ultra low. God I wanted to lick his pecks. He had on destroyed fitting jeans. His penis print look amazing as well.

"Ryan that's Kaecee, Jordan, and Liam" he pointed to each of them. I just smiled.

"you've met them before but the state you were in, I doubt you remember."

" dude she was fucking done! No way she remembers" The good looking guy with the jet black hair hair laughed, as he continued fixing up a fresh blunt.

"shut the fuck up Kaecee" the girl said as she slapped Kaecee in the back of his head. She had red hair, like fucking fire truck red. and a section of the from front side was shaved down low. I couldn't really see her face. We were driving down a dimly lit road.

"that other guy is Liam" Blaze said not taking his eyes off the road.

Liam was sleep, or passed out.. Hell if I knew.

"You look sexy" Blaze said peeking at me from the corner of his eye.

"Do I?" my lame way of playing hard to get.

He reached over, running his hand up my thigh. I had to hold in the moan that desperately wanted to escape my lips. Instead I removed his hand. His smirk disappeared.

"What's wrong?" He sounded disappointed. Maybe I did understand this whole hard to get thing.

"Well you always make such a big deal about my age, I figure we shouldn't risk the flirty shit. I'll be legal in about 3 months."

"But flirting is harmless. Flirting with a minor isn't illegal, Just fucking one" he winked, I came.

"yeah but flirting makes me want to fuck you, see my dilemma? "

He was quiet for a minute. I could hear Jordan holding back her laughs. Looks like I'd won this round.

"12 weeks, no flirting, no fucking? I can handle that" he shrugged.

And with that he shut off the engine and got out the car.

"what the fuck just happened?" I didn't mean to say aloud. It was Jordan who answered, I could see her face now that the light in the car was on. Liam and Kaecee were already out the car. Jordan leaned up between the driver and passenger seat.

"that my friend, was the beginning of what I like to call cat and mouse."

She was gorgeous, she had bright green eyes, and freckles. Her lips were full and red.

"and he is winning love, c'mon" she laughed.

Shit, He's better than I thought.

We were at some old cabbin in the woods. It was 2 stories and looked abandoned.

Is this where Blaze lived...but he's rich. I wasn't gonna ask questions. I didn't want to offend anyone.

Jordan held the door open for me, and I made my way inside. I stood shocked at the interior. It was so modern so clean. It reminded me of a hot topic outlet. Only way bigger, but just as dark.

"Blaze had this place built, it throws people off. When they see the outside, they would never believe people live here."

Jordan answered my unasked question.

"Amazing" I whispered.

"Glad you like it" this time it was Blaze's voice on the back of my neck. I smilled. He wanted to play games huh?

I turned quickly our lips just inches apart. I licked my lips.

"yeah, it's nice, I guess." I said. I was getting better with my sexy voice. I leaned in a little more, and as soon as he did the same I turned away.

"where is your room I asked?"

He didn't answer. I turned to see him standing where I left him.

"Dude?" I smirked, "are you gonna show me around or just stand there?"

I placed my hand on my hip letting the other hang limp.

"Uhh yeah, yeah...sure"

When Blaze finally moved he tripped on air. I giggled.

"That was not funny" he was trying his best to keep a stern look. But his dimples gave him away. I just winked in his direction.

It took about 30 minutes for Blaze to show me the entire house. Looks could be very deceiving.

Their were four bedrooms on the second floor. Apparently Jordan was the only one who lived here. I learned she was Blaze's cousin. The others still crashed here a lot he told me. There was also Three bathrooms and a sun room. On the main level the area was open the kitchen, living room dining room occupying the space. The basement was huge. There was a full bar, flat screens everywhere, arcade machines, a pool table, and leather lazy boy furniture spread about.

There were two doors towards the end of the bar.

"That's the bathroom" he pointed "and this" he said slowly opening the door "this is where the magic happens"

I rolled my eyes at his theatrics as I walked into his master sweet. It reminded me of when me and Renee use to go skiing up in the mountains. The log cabins were so warm and spacious. He had a huge fireplace, brown leather everything and a beautiful California king bed. I wanted so bad to run and belly flop on it.

"try it out" I jumped at the sound of his voice.

"how do you do that shit" I pushed his chest playfully.

"do what?" he asked taking a step towards me. I took a step back.

"Move without making any sound" He took another step towards me. I took two steps back and smiled triumphantly. He squinted his eyes at me darkly and advanced to me nit stoping when our bodies met he just continued to us his body to back me up. My legs hit something firm but plush.

"what's your definition of flirting?" his blue eyes looked straight into mines. They were filled with lust. Fuck.

" sweet talk and shit, you know" I bit my lip. He growled. Dear sweet baby Jesus.

"Then this isn't flirting or fucking right?"

His lips asulted mines, and I was not going to protest. His hands were kneading the exposed skin of my torso. His lips were so fucking soft. I slipped my hands up the from of his shirt and up his chest before dragging my nails lightly down his chest. He moaned into my mouth and I took advantage of his parted lips to slip my tongue into his mouth. He tasted like vodka and bigred gum.

I slowly turned us in a circle not breaking Our heated kiss. I gripped his shirt before pushing him roughly down on the bed. I bit my lip looking him over like a piece of meat. He sat up on his elbows looking me up and down. I ran my hands down my body stopping at my skirts waste band.

"Just so you know, I want to fuck you" I looked him directly in the eyes as I said this.

"maybe we should stop, I can't hav-"

"God Blaze, shut the fuck up" and with that I slipped out my skirt and threw my jacket to the floor before straddling Blaze.

"I told you we weren't fucking"  
>I said just a bit annoyed. I grabbed his hand placing them on my ass. He didn't protest. He surprised me, slipping his hands in my panties giving my ass a hard squeeze. Fuck. I attacked his mouth putting all my sexual frustration into the kiss.<p>

I could feel his erection between my thighs. I ground my hips hard wanting to feel him. I lightly sucked on his neck my hands in his hair. His hands on my ass.

We made out and felt each other up for 45 minutes straight. That is until Kaecee barged in.

"damn bro! Couldn't hold out a few weeks?" he yelled plopping down on the bed.

Blaze didn't reply he just gave Kaecee the middle finger. I climbed off Blaze adjusting myself and putting my clothes back on.

"were about to do some lines, and the good shit is already in rotation" Kaecee said and like that he was gone. "Bring your asses!" he yelled from the wreck room. I had no idea of what he just said.

I looked at Blaze confused, he was adjusting his uhh, situation.

"Coke and weed" he said, you can crash in here, if you not into this shit.

"I'm down for whatever" I winked before grabbing his ass and heading down the road of danger and adventure. Fuck the past my future was now and I was ready to live life in the fast lane.

Rest in piece Bella.


End file.
